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Archive for October, 2010

Question: Why is it easier to talk to a girl I want to have sex with than a girl I have a crush on?

As far as women go, on a more general basis, we have more of a problem with the latter part of this question. In other words, I’d be more likely to ask myself, “Why is it hard for me to talk to a guy have a crush on?”, minus the “it’s easier to talk to a guy I want to fuck” part. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love sex. It’s awesome….

On a side note, the word “fuck” pisses me off unless I’m with a guy I really, really like and I’m sexually in the mood for a rougher ride that night. …moving on…

In general, we’re not so much concerned with sex – more so with the “relationship” stuff, whatever that is. But again, sex is good. …. You know what I mean.

So, let’s see…where does this problem really start? How about middle school? Elementary? How about whenever you started liking the opposite sex? Now, I’d hope that at the age of 8 you weren’t seriously considering sex, but given the current state of society, I almost wouldn’t be surprised. But politics aside… this problem, if you think about it, is nothing new.

I mean, think about it. When was the first time you had a real crush on someone? I’m talking about the kind of crush that made you practice kissing with your pillow. You know, the type of crush that makes you play some sort of fantasized moment over and over in your head.

Well, for me… it’s all a blur (seriously). But, I do know the feeling like the back of my  hand. Personally, when it comes to really, really liking someone, here’s a sample of what might run through my head:

Aaaannnddd, here it goes:

“What if I fall for him…and he THINKS he likes me..but doesn’t really…. and 3 months down the line of what was probably pure torture to him, he realizes that I’m FAR from what he wants and tells me to go away?   Or what if I realize 3 months down the line that I made a mistake? Then I have to break up with him…and watch him slam his fist through my door….or cry. *shudder* Oh… OH. And here’s a good one. What if I gain a little weight and he finds some hot chick with big boobs and a tiny waist…who seduces him with her perfect butt…. and then he hides it from me and it all falls to shit from there?  Where does that leave me? Fat and sad.”

Yeah. I mean, for the most part, I keep those thoughts at bay, but should they wash up on shore, all hell breaks loose.

First thing that happens (usually), is that I suddenly cannot talk. Literally. I mean, I will actually start to stumble over words and talk like I just finished my second year of pre-school. And, because I know this, I generally keep my mouth shut from that point on. And I swear to god, I’m not exaggerating. I’ve had moments where the conversation was going great and then ALL OF A SUDDEN, I can’t talk. It’s almost like I suddenly crapped my pants or something. It’s weird.

Then, I start to cave in on myself. All self-confidence goes out the window and I’m instantly a pimply, double-chinned monster desperately looking for love. That’s the fun part.

Pretty soon after that, I either snap out of it or I promptly give up. When it comes to guys, girls don’t generally put up some sort of long, drawn-out fight to “win” the guy over. That’s just not the way it works… although it’s apparently becoming more common for women to ask men to marry them now (or so I’ve heard).

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is… YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Like the song… *sways*

No, but really. Whether you’re a guy or a girl, old or young, this shit happens. Really, it’s part of the excitement of it all. It’s what makes relationships – or the fight for them – interesting, I guess. If you have any interest in roller-coasters or haunted houses…or any “need for speed”-type stuff, you know what I mean. If you don’t, I highly suggest you get past all that and jump out of a plane or something…. as that’s just about the only thing I can relate this to (aside from my own experiences).

If anything, my only suggestion would be to push through whatever it is. I mean, if it takes continuing to sit there close-mouthed, caved-in and all… then do it. I’ve done it. Like I said, it usually passes. And if your crush doesn’t show any interest right then and there… for Jebus’s sake, don’t instantly implode (I should seriously take my own advice, by the way).

Oh…and why is it easier to talk to a girl you’d like to fuck? Well, the only thing that could “hurt” would be if she (1) bites, (2) sits on your junk the wrong way, or (3) is into S&M. Personally, I can hardly kiss a guy I don’t have feelings for. And if I do, it’s like I’m kissing a mannequin.

As we all know, the other “hurt” seems to suck more. But what’s life without some sort of a game, right? As stupid as it sometimes… *sigh*

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